China Charlie

A weekly column about living in Dongguan, for those new to Dongguan, new to China, or anyone that likes a good story.  Written by an expat  who first came to Dongguan in 1987,  hopefully this series of articles will be both entertaining and informative.

Archives:

Welcome to China Charlie

Dongguan Driving Challenges

Fun With Air Travel in China

Vertical Speed Bumps

Language and Culture

Mobile Phones and Other Stuff

Karen Carpenter, Kenny G and the Chinese Water Torture… . .

Dan Gerous, where are you when we need  you?

Life in hotels in the “old days”, a “Moon Shot”, and the saga of the pink panties….

Was There Life After M*A*S*H

Camaraderie of Dong Guan in the “old days”.. . . 

Who's on First, China Style

Life at the Ramada/Guangzhou, Resting trucks, Dynamite, and other stuff

Is Dongguan becoming too civilized?

 Roadside Word Games, China Style

Thoughts on American Thanksgiving

The Traffic Food Chain

Please note: This installment is a bit of a departure from the average “Charlie” in that it involves an event that happened outside of China-I would welcome any feedback you may have on this.

Airport Aerobics, I can’t find my phone, where’s my teeth??… . . .

Life “overseas” for a Gwailoh can cause a lot of unrecognized stress, and if you throw in the additional effects of being on the wrong side of middle age to a guy’s memory, it can lead to some interesting situations. There are distractions everywhere, and if you’re not paying attention or thinking about “something else”, they can “trip you up” when you least expect it.

While a mismatched pair of shoes or socks,  a zipper left un-zipped, missed buttons, “lost” house keys and such have been around for a long time, being “overseas”, and things associated with it have created a few new ones.

While I currently fit the description outlined in the first line of this, so far I’ve been lucky, and haven’t fallen victim to any of what follows in China. The reason that I specifically wrote China, is that I have gotten “distracted” in other parts of the world (even when I was on the right side of middle age) with some kind of “off the wall” results.

In the mid 70’s, my family and I were returning from a one year “stint” in Middle Eastern Country (that North Americans are no longer welcome in), and we decided to layover 24 hours in Germany, to see my ex-brother in law. Germany was much more liberal than the Islamic Country we had been living in and in place of women dressed in “”chadors” (the full length vial worn in this country), the girls on the street (and in the airport)were dressed much more attractively..

We had just gotten off a flight from the “land of chadors”, via Istanbul and were walking through the airport in a major German city, when I “zeroed in” on a tall blond girl coming toward us. She was dressed in a filmy garment that was supposed to be a blouse, and not wearing (what was considered for the day) a normal foundation garment. Most major airports, including this one, have rows of seats bolted to the floor, which I proceeded to walk into (and do a full somersault over). Since doing aerobics over benches in airport waiting areas is not considered “cool”, I have tried to avoid distractions, ever since.

Getting back to China, and the present time… . .

More than once, I’ve sat down to have breakfast with a friend, and had them excuse themselves, so they could return home to get their teeth (you folks with a mouthful of your own teeth have yet to experience the thrill of having removable “plastic teeth”, or trying to “gum’ your way through an un-toasted Peanut Butter sandwich without them).  Believe it or not, I’ve had several friends (after this, more likely to be considered “acquaintances”) that have had this happen.

Mobile Phones (AKA “Mobile Communication Devices”) are very close to being a necessity of life here in the “Middle Kinkdom”, but can cause some bizarre experiences if you’re part of the group described in the first paragraph.

A few years ago I called a friend, who answered his “mobile” and then started “sputtering” about something indecipherable. When I asked him what was wrong, he said he was looking for his phone, but “couldn’t find the g**@!!m thing!”.

I asked him to look in his hand that he was holding up to his ear, and tell me what he saw. The answer was a embarrassed “Oh.. . “.

There was another rather unusual (no, it was downright unbelievable) experience  that happened here just a few weeks ago, that requires more space than I have left this week, so will be posted within the next couple of  weeks.

Just to give you something to ponder until it is posted, the piece is titled “mine is smaller than yours”, and yes, it could be considered family reading (well, maybe the Ozzie Osborne family, or the father and sons team from “American Choppers”).

Until next time “Y’all have a rice week now